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Close Encounters

Satan’s Diarrhea Hate Bears

A review gallery post with full width featured image enabled. Anyone who bought one of Jawbone’s much-hyped Up fitness band.




Although not paranormal it is certainly odd and hysterically funny. This is a real review of Haribos Sugar Free Gummy Bears candy from Amazon…..

A delicious treat that should be enjoyed only after the following preparations have been made Reviewed in the United States on October 17, 2015
1. Make sure it’s Friday and cancel all weekend plans, for good measure go ahead and call in for Monday.
2. Call the city and make sure your water bill is paid in full.
3. Visit your local hardware store and purchase a sink attachment for your garden hose. Toilet paper will quickly become too painful to bear.
4. Give advanced notice to family members, roommates and neighbors unless you’re keen on trying to give birth to a crushed watermelon while convincing your local swat team that both the screaming and demonic noises are from you and a dynamic entry would only bring about more needless suffering.
5. Redo your restroom in motivational pictures, ones with slogans like ‘courage is fear hanging on one minute longer’ or ‘the only easy day was yesterday’. I also advise posting up the suicide prevention hotline number or having a dedicated friend or other support groups to walk you through the low times.

Lastly, I must strongly urge you to consider why you are thinking of buying this product, is it a sense of deep self-loathing? A reckless sense of adventure? Are you researching dysentery? Perhaps you are the drill sergeant of some extreme commando unit seeking to break down the enemies will to fight by airdropping these into their midst. If you are just curious then let me say oh fellow human, beware for this life is dangerous enough, next time I want a thrill I’ll skydive without a parachute, that way at least I’ll have a chance.

To read up more on these haring adventures in candy-land read on … Haribo

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